Monthly Archives: January 2015

I’m a Washer Washout

Life’s getting complicated. My wife and I just bought a new Washer/Dryer set; very high tech. So High tech in fact that I don’t know how to work them.

So far I’ve been lucky; my wife is picky about wash cycles, water temperatures, heat settings, and organic detergent particulars. All of which works in my favor. If I had my druthers I’d take everything down by the river and slap it all against rocks. But moving with the times meaning new and often tiresome learning curves on things you just don’t have the patience to curve with.

They’re lovely, both of them standing guard imperiously over the laundry room, gleaming stalwarts of the clean and tidy. Happy sods too – they sing happy little tunes to keep us abreast of their progress. Dee-da-dee sings the washer, tiddle-dee-dee answers the dryer.

My problem, as with most guys, is that too many variables fuzzifies my brain. I start reading the War and Peace size manual and almost immediately slide into a despairing miasma of incomprehension. Example: “To wash different fabrics review the material guide on page fifty-nine, subsection twelve. Then choose the fribble-frabble on the jim-jam and adjust the somewhat dorgy snool ensuring the flammelbammel intensifier is set to eleven.”

It’s about that time I start eyeing the river out back and a few wet rocks.

–  Stephen ilott is a Home Organizer, declutterer, writer and enthusiastic speaker living in Oakville On. His company is in case you need a good listener. 416.460.8098,,


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